It must be the Emerald.

 My Dad called me abrasive this morning. Our typical emails always include his fatherly two cents on the random things that surround me and then I counteract all advice with what I want to do. It isn’t the point with what I am about to share with you but it did have me thinking about the “type” of person I am or turned out to be, rather.

My childhood nickname was always “Meanie- Beanie”  and I am often related to Angelica from the Rugrats cartoon. These referrals are not pleasant things to be associated with but it really is who I am… a Taurus woman/child who is stubborn, jealous, and will literally KICK YOUR ASS if need be. Emerald is my birthstone… which is green for those who don’t know, and Taurus is symbolic for bull, so it all comes full circle. 

 Observe some recent comical episodes that showed my true colors.

– When Dan & I first started dating we made the lethal mistake of joining some SINGLE friends for Spring Break in… South Padre. Gulp. We argued like cats and dogs the ENTIRE time and I accused Dan of wearing sunglasses so I couldn’t see the constant darting of his eyes at skanky bikini clad women. Yea, stupid I know, but we were severely intoxicated. The last night we hit up a club… think it was Senior Frogs… and Dan is waiting at the bar for service. I was standing a few yards behind him with my friend Jojo waiting patiently for our brewskies. Soon enough, two random hoes approach Dan and begin whispering into his ear, playing with his hat and then one of them reached into his back pocket… typically not limber or quick by any means… I was a damn spider monkey as I reached for the back of random hoe’s head. Jojo and another friend attempted to carry me off into the other direction but I freed myself from both of them cussing and spitting. Dan turn toward us with both arms loaded with alcohol when Jojo chimed in “Dude, she saw everything” and it is an awkward moment between us all to see the color drain from Dan’s dumbfounded face. A karate kick and a kung fu punch later and all beer is spilt, a scene is made, and we are escorted out of the bar with no arrests made. It could have been worse and Dan & I repaired our relationship 30 minutes later, but that is how we spent our last night in Padre. It was also the last Spring Break trip we will ever take of that kind of nature. We laugh about it to this day.

-Saturday night Dan & I met another couple for dinner and drinks. We had a “happy hour” secession before our “play date” and I had been drinking at a house warming party we attended earlier on in the afternoon. So I was feeling brave! We sit down to order cocktails and pass up identifications to the waitress. OF COURSE when she gets to Dan’s ID its “Wow, cute picture, you’re really good looking.” Last time I checked it LOOKED like a double date… so wtf? She walks away to fill our order and I lay into Dan, “I will straight punch you in the face!” He laughs it off nonchalantly because he is immune to all the craziness that is his first wife, but our married couple friends are puzzled and worried. Finally she comes back with my margarita and as she is setting down a napkin and straw I say: “Excuse me, Miss. Can you please NOT tell my HUSBAND he is good looking, we are MARRIED” I insert a friendly but stern giggle and smile to match. Married couple friend’s faces are just priceless and Dan is half laughing, half staring down at the table. The waitress apologized profusely and sympathizes with my marriedness because she is married too. “Its so hard the first year,” she graciously bows out and Dan’s apologizes for my “behavior” to the now laughing friend couple. We continue on with the evening and I have successfully marked my territory.

I know what you’re all going to say… with your judgey antics on your thrones of maturity but I could care less. I am not insecure, immature, childish, or whatever LARGE lettered word you have to say. I am ballsy and I’ll be damned if you disrespect and walk away. Emerald is my birthstone and I wear it flawlessly.

**Interesting Fact of the Day** You burn 26 calories for each minute you spending kissing! Yum!

inluv“I find you!!!” LOL What movie quote is that???

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4 responses to “It must be the Emerald.

  1. Wedding Crashers!

    Funny story… I’ve had to “what bitch” some girls on several occasions throught the years. Joe gets quite embarassed. lol. Yes, I am also a Taurus.

  2. Dude. You’re freakin funny. Karate kick and a kung fu punch later lol. You’ve got a knack for putting the reader there.

  3. My memory is a little hazzy, but I don’t remember any karate chops…I just remember you knocking all four of my beers out of my hands after I got done waiting in line for 10 minutes for them…but thats okay, no sense in crying over spilt beer. Yes, you are an emerald, a “bull” and abrasive. But those are fine qualities that I married you for. I know I can count on you to stand your ground against a restraunt manager when we want a free meal, or when we are told were going to have to wait 7-14 business days for our refund check, or when “AMERICA BEST #1” pops up on our billing statement, or even when a 8 year old cuts in front of us at a theme park…You have the balls when others would back down, not my baby, she’s “in it to win it,” balls out, hair-pullin’, fight to the death, thats my girl!

  4. it was my vodka drink you drank Saturday! = )

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